Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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