Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
