ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
