I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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