we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
