You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
