did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
