You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize