ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
