Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize