The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
