You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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