New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize