just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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