i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
