It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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