She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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