ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
