WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
