About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
