I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
