i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also, beer. Big fan.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
