A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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