we were pretty classy up until the second keg
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
