you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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