New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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