I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize