I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
