There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
