I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
