I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
