Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
