No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
