I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize