Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize