I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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