So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
