i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
