Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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