Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
handjob tips. give me some.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
