I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
