Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
