I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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