He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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