i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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