Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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