I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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