I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish you could order shots online.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
