the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
