Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
