I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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