I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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