Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
