imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
