Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
