i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
