dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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