I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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