It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sorry about my life...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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