writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
