someone threw a dead crab at me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize