Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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