He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
