I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
