They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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