Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
