T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
BRING THE BAGELS
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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