first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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