The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
